the mermaid theory

SUMMARY:

In conclusion, The Mermaid Theory proves that a chick's hotness - as measured in units of how much you want to bone her - increases in direct proportion to the time exposed to her.

Sailors and explorers on particularly long voyages found that manatees - those large blubbery water creatures - would magically morph into beautiful mermaids that said sailors wanted to knock flippers with. Thus, the legend of mermaids was born, straight out of the male mind's unfaltering desire to find something, anything, to stick it to.

For the modern male the theory translates as follows: No matter how hot or unhot a woman is, eventually you will want to sleep with her. The time it takes for this process to occur is the chick's "Mermaid Clock." It starts the first time you lay eyes on a chick* and stops ticking the instant you want to get your jam on.

As an example, if you met Scarlett Johansson, her Mermaid Clock would be .00000001 seconds. She's hot and you would immediately want to inspect those two grapefruits she's strutting around with. Conversely, if you met a less attractive woman, her clock could last anywhere between a couple of hours (e.g. she's nearing 30) to a couple of years (e.g. she's nearing 35).

Barney's Original Blog Post

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i dont normally watch how i met your mother, but saw something about this on a friends facebook so i looked into it. i dont think its very true, but the theory allows for that (i.e. some women must have mermaid clocks that last.. forever). funnier when read with what actually happens in the episode of HIMYM - "The Mermaid Theory"

edit. haha i was just wondering if this would apply to females too- hell no. firstly, no one gives a crap about mermen, in fact, thinking about the little mermaid all i remember was her controlling dad (and no other mer-people whatsoever), and he kinda sucked (great pecs though).

as a matter of fact, i think for female -> male attraction (or is that male -> female?)(okay the latter), the curve should be inversely related - e.g. the longer a girl spends with a guy, the lesser her attraction becomes. get it whilst its hot boys.

now we all know this - the longer a guy spends with a girl, the more likely he is to enter the friend zone, and the difficulty of performing a "prison break" from said friend zone is directly related to the length of time he spends with the girl.

tying this back into the mermaid theory, im sure there have been guys who have been like "you know, XXXX is pretty awesome and i wanna bone her" - at which point his mates were like HELL NO DAWG. however, im also pretty sure its highly unlikely that any of the girls who did go from manatee to mermaid allowed the "viewer" to then bone them when they turned desirable.

thus the mermaid theory is the basis for understanding the concept of the friend zone, and how one gets there in the first place.

absolutely genius.
why yes, im patting myself on the back.